The bridge of the MV Priscilla, a massive 228-meter (750 ft) long bulk cargo ship, was quiet at 2 am as the ship cruised on autopilot through the islands of northern Scotland. The officer on duty leaned back in his chair, pulled out his phone, and decided to watch a few music videos before returning to his duties. As so easily happens, he lost track of time. Nearly two hours went by as he scrolled through the videos. By the time he looked up, the massive cargo ship was dangerously off track, heading toward jagged rocks. Rather than advertise his mistake by retracing the safe route, panic led him to make a hasty decision – he would use radar to navigate a shortcut between two islands and get the ship back on track. Moments later, the vessel slammed into a reef.

The ship survived, but the damage was deep and costly.

WHEN MARRIAGES SWITCH TO AUTOPILOT

There are no maritime accident reports for couples. In marriage, there are no literal compasses, sonar depth finders, or course-plotting screens. Yet far too many marriages end up experiencing similar disasters. One spouse, or sometimes both, switch the marriage to autopilot. The autopilot feature in marriage seldom takes us where we need to go. The marriage begins drifting off course, but nobody notices. They are too distracted. Not wanting to admit they are off course, they double down and attempt a few quick fixes – but it’s too late. By the time they realize how far they’ve drifted, the rocks are already in sight.

DRIFTING IS DANGEROUS

The writer of the New Testament book of Hebrews warns that life and faith don’t wreck suddenly; they drift slowly, almost imperceptibly, until the damage is done.

“So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it.” – Hebrews 2:1

THE ALARMS ARE SWITCHED OFF

Incredibly, the truth never rang out on the bridge of the MV Priscilla because the navigation warning alarm system had been switched off. It was the perfect storm: a distracted officer, a faulty autopilot, no systems that were actively monitoring the situation, and no alarms set to protect the ship.

In a marriage, the “alarms” are the small warning signs indicating we’re drifting:

1. Conversations feel distant – talks become shallow, limited to schedules, bills, or logistics.
2. Intimacy grows rare – physical closeness feels like a chore or disappears altogether.
3. Prayers go silent – spiritual connection is neglected or feels awkward to initiate.
4. Laughter and fun fade – shared joy is replaced by tension or indifference.
5. Screens replace face to face time – phones, TV, or work get more attention than each other.
6. Conflict gets buried – hard conversations are avoided rather than worked through.
7. Irritations multiply – little quirks that once seemed cute now feel unbearable.
8. Dreams aren’t shared – long-term hopes, goals, and plans are no longer discussed.
9. Gratitude is missing – appreciation for each other is left unspoken, taken for granted.
10. Affection feels forced – hugs, kisses, or kind words are rare or mechanical.
11. Outside voices grow louder – friends, coworkers, or social media shape priorities more than the spouse does.
12. Time together shrinks – busyness crowds out intentional moments as a couple. You are no longer dating each other.
13. Trust cracks quietly – small secrets, hidden purchases, or withheld feelings move in.
14. Comparison seeps in – one spouse looks at other marriages with longing or discontent.
15. Loneliness inside marriage – you feel more like “roommates” than partners, sharing a house but not a heart.

When any of these signals are ignored or silenced, drift is inevitable. By the time the couple realizes what’s happening, they’re already heading for the rocks.

IT’S NOT TOO LATE!

The MV Priscilla hit the rocks that night.

It got stuck on the reef for a few days.

It was more than a little embarrassing; it was a wake-up call as the hull of the ship sustained some damage. Yet, this morning I checked on its whereabouts and it was delivering a heavy load, nearing a port in Australia.

It turns out that a salvage ship helped the MV Priscilla get off the rocks. The dings and dents were fixed, and it was re-launched for many more years on the high seas.

CATCH THOSE TRICKY LITTLE PROBLEMS

Song of Solomon 2:15 gives us some great advice.

"Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!"

Sticking with the metaphor of a ship, I hear Solomon saying, ‘Re-engage the alarms. Pay attention to the reefs, the rocks, the currents, and the tendency we have to easily drift. Catch the little problems before they become big problems.’

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY ON THE ROCKS

If you are currently on the rocks, take courage, your story isn’t over. Like the MV Priscilla, your marriage may have dents and scars, but it can be salvaged, repaired, and relaunched. Don’t try to fix it in panic mode or with shortcuts. Instead, invite God into the process and take steady, intentional steps back toward one another:

#1 Name the drift – Talk about what you are experiencing. Ask good questions of your spouse. Be honest with each other about where you feel distant.

#2 Re-engage the alarms – Identify which of the 15 Marriage Alarms listed above are going off right now. Make a plan on how you will monitor them in the future.

#3 Choose one small step today – begin to address each ringing alarm with a small, intentional, practical step. For example - set a time each day when you light a candle and talk face to face for 20 minutes. Plan a date together. Set boundaries on electronics that you both agree to. Start saying ‘Thank You’. Etc.

#4 Seek help if needed – Every ship needs a tugboat now and then; don’t be afraid to lean on wise mentors, trusted friends, or a professional counselor for help. If you’re stuck on the rocks, you may find this hard to believe, but what feels stuck today can be freed tomorrow, and your marriage can keep sailing strong for many years to come. It’s just going to take some work!

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Where have we quietly switched our marriage to autopilot, assuming it will steer itself?

Q: Which of the 15 “marriage alarms” are currently ringing in our relationship—and are we listening?

Q: What small, intentional step could we take today to steer closer to one another?

Q: Do we believe God can repair and relaunch our marriage—and are we willing to invite Him into the process?

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