A few months ago, my wife Carolyn and I woke up in an Airbnb in Paris, groaning to each other in harmony. Racking up 25,000 steps on cobblestoned streets each day, our legs complained loudly and refused to cooperate.

A hot shower and cup of coffee went a long way to getting us ready for our trip to the Palace of Versailles.

Just before heading out the door, Carolyn asked me to grab the umbrella. I smiled with that I’m-a-step-ahead-of-you-baby smile, “I checked the weather, and it’s not going to rain today!” I reported. “Besides, I don’t feel like carrying the umbrella around all day!”

An hour later, Carolyn was surprisingly calm as we walked out of the train station into the drizzle. Ten minutes later, when we found ourselves standing in a line to enter the palace in the pouring rain, she was far less composed.

I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of I told you so’s and took each one like a grown-up. But later that evening, as we trudged through the streets near the Eiffel Tower under a relentless downpour, I finally conceded defeat. Swallowing my pride, I admitted my mistake and shelled out for an overpriced umbrella from a souvenir shop.

As you might have guessed, we didn’t walk half a block before the rain stopped for the day.

I spent the rest of the evening trailing behind Carolyn from one gift shop to the next, dutifully carrying the damp, partially folded umbrella and pondering where this contraption had even originated.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE UMBRELLA

As best anyone can tell, it was in 1928 that Hans Haupt created the first foldable umbrella capable of fitting in a handbag. The story of the umbrella—its name derived from the Latin word for ‘shadow’—traces back over 4,000 years. The Egyptians, Assyrians, Greeks, and Chinese all created flimsy parasols designed to shade wealthy people from the sun.

Ironically, by the 18th century, umbrellas were considered strictly taboo in England. Seen not only as a symbol of weakness but also as excessively French, they were shunned by Londoners—until Jonas Hanway, an eccentric author, defied societal norms by carrying an umbrella everywhere he went. His boldness gradually chipped away at the stigma, and over time, umbrellas gained acceptance, eventually being produced in large numbers.

In 1928, Hans Haupt invented the knirps, German for "little guy," a foldable pocket umbrella not unlike the one I was now carrying around Paris.

Today, the umbrella is not only extremely popular and commonplace, but it has also come to play a vital role in our marriage.

A DIFFERENT KIND OF UMBRELLA

I can’t recall exactly when I first heard the phrase “the umbrella of grace,” but it resonated deeply—and now, Carolyn and I make a conscious effort to carry it with us wherever we go.

What is the umbrella of grace?

It’s a protective covering that one spouse willingly holds over the other.

It shields against the acid rain of criticism, blame, negativity, condemnation, and judgment, offering a safe space for love and understanding to thrive.

The umbrella of grace shields our partner under an armored covering—woven with a composite fabric of kindness, empathy, and generous amounts of grace.

There have been countless occasions in our marriage when one of us will be heard inviting the other to extend the umbrella of grace with a phrase like, “I need to crawl under the umbrella of grace and tell you something.”

Far too many spouses refuse to open up or talk about their weaknesses because they know that if they do, a toxic rain of disapproval, accusation, and scolding will fall on their exposed wounds. Yet, this is not the way God teaches us.

In Colossians 4:6 (ESV), the apostle Paul challenges us: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

The apostle Peter follows Paul’s charge in 1 Peter 5:5 (ESV) with this coaching: “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'”

God has placed an umbrella of grace in our hands in hopes that we will use it often.

The umbrella of grace may not be fashionable, but its impact on our marriage has been profound. It has fostered a level of transparency, vulnerability, and openness that I can hardly put into words. Beneath its protective canopy, our souls find room to flourish, allowing us to navigate difficult conversations with a sense of safety, care, and mutual respect.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Which are you more familiar with, the toxic rain of negativity and disapproval, or the security that comes from being tucked under an umbrella of grace? Why did you answer the way you did?

Q: When are you most likely to forget the umbrella of grace or refuse to extend it?

Q: If your assignment was to teach someone to use the umbrella of grace with their partner, what practical steps would you outline for your student?

As Carolyn and I circled back to our Airbnb and walked into the room, we chuckled at now having two travel umbrellas. “Perfect!” I said, knowing that a marriage works best when there are two.

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