When I fly, I appreciate a pilot and crew who value an on-time departure. I love it when they’re highly committed to serving me as a customer. But sometimes, a high commitment to those healthy principles can turn deadly, as the passengers of Air Florida Flight 90 tragically discovered.

COMMITMENT GONE WRONG

On a bitter January day, Captain Larry Wheaton, 34, sat on the tarmac at Washington National Airport while ice gathered on the wings of his Boeing 737. A winter storm had already delayed the flight nearly two hours. Every passing minute risked more passenger frustration.

Determined to get moving, Wheaton decided not to return to the de-icing pad, believing the warmth from another jet’s exhaust would do the trick. But as they taxied toward takeoff, the snow and ice clung stubbornly to the aircraft’s skin.

When clearance came, the 737 rumbled down the runway, struggling to lift. With the end of the tarmac racing toward them, Wheaton pulled back hard. The plane climbed to 300 feet before stalling, falling out of the sky, clipping the 14th Street Bridge, and plunging into the icy Potomac River. More than 70 lives were lost. Only five survived.

COMMITMENT IS BEAUTIFUL—UNTIL IT’S NOT

Commitment is beautiful and even gritty when fuelled by wisdom. Commitment calls our souls to push through difficulty and obstacles. But when it’s tethered to fear, pressure, or manipulation, it can be deadly.

In last week’s blog, How Did I Miss This?, we explored Hebrews 8 and the powerful concept of covenant. We contrasted covenant with contract, celebrating God’s unrelenting love and our call to mirror His unconditional, sacrificial love in marriage.

Shortly after hitting publish on the blog, I received an email:

"I understand what you’re getting at, Todd, when you say a covenant is not about getting—it’s about giving. But there is a limit. Should a marriage continue at the expense of one spouse’s emotional well-being? What happens when one spouse lives by covenant guidelines and the other still lives by contract rules? What about those in desperate situations right now?"

These are wise and sobering questions. They point to the “other side of the coin.” God’s covenant love, wonderful and powerful as it is, never gives permission for abuse, abandonment, or the slow destruction of the person He created.

Think of it this way: providing on-time service and exceptional convenience for passengers is a great value to hold onto, but never at the expense of safety.

THE NATURE OF COVENANT

In Scripture, covenant is always rooted in God’s character: holy, protective, just, and loving.

A covenant is not a prison; it’s a sacred bond meant to bless and give life.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean endlessly enduring pain.

Forever love doesn’t mean forever tolerating harm.

Sacrificial love doesn’t mean surrendering the person God created you to be.

The call to live by God’s covenant principles should never be weaponized or twisted.

WHEN COVENANT GETS TWISTED

If you’ve said or heard statements like these, there’s a real chance God’s covenant principles have been misapplied and loyalty has slipped to the dark side:

*• "If I set boundaries, it means I’m not really committed to loving like Jesus."

• "You promised before God to love me no matter what—so you have to forgive me again."

• "I’m hurting, but God hates divorce. My job is to pray harder and tough it out, not to protect myself."

• "If you really trusted God, you wouldn’t push for counselling or outside help."

• "We can’t tell anyone about our struggles; it would dishonour our marriage vows."

• "My spouse’s needs always come first—even if it means losing myself."

• "You vowed to honour me, so stop questioning my decisions."

• "I stood before God and everyone and promised for better or worse, so walking away would mean breaking my word to Him."

• "If you really loved me like Jesus, you’d forgive me every time, no matter how many affairs I have."*

IT’S CONFUSING

In the middle of the storm, with competing pressures and voices, Captain Wheaton thought his decision best served his passengers. He was very mistaken. The same can happen in marriage. We may think we’re honouring covenant, when in reality we’re enabling neglect, disrespect, selfishness, or manipulation.

CLARIFYING THE TENSION

Not every hard season or painful disagreement means a covenant has turned dark. Every marriage will face moments of hurt, frustration, and misunderstanding that require patience, grace, and perseverance. Scripture calls us to work toward reconciliation whenever possible (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13). The situations I’m addressing here are not the regular ups and downs of marriage but patterns of ongoing harm, abuse, abandonment, or unrepentant sin that violate the heart of covenant love. In these cases, setting boundaries or seeking separation is not a failure of commitment; it is an expression of it because it honours God’s call to protect what is good and confront what is wrong.

BOUNDARIES ARE BIBLICAL

From Genesis to Revelation, God sets boundaries. In both Old and New Testaments, He speaks directly to boundaries that are necessary in marriage. He makes provision for separation, and even divorce, in cases of marital unfaithfulness (Matt. 19:9) or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:15). Additionally, Scripture consistently shows God’s heart for protecting the vulnerable and oppressed (Psalm 82:3–4; Proverbs 31:8–9).

He never calls His children to endure ongoing harm in the name of loyalty.

Covenant faithfulness does not mean enabling sin.

It does not mean staying silent while being mistreated.

It does not mean sacrificing your God-given dignity or safety.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Healthy covenant-love confronts what’s wrong and seeks restoration. But when repentance is absent and harm continues, the Bible makes space for release.

Commitment is beautiful. The high calling of covenant-love is revolutionary, but only when it reflects the heart of God.

If you’re struggling in your marriage, don’t stay silent, and don’t assume the answer is simply to “power through.” Seek out a trusted mentor, pastor, or counsellor who can recognize the dark side of loyalty and help guide you back into the light.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Do I ever stay silent about something harmful because I believe it’s “more spiritual” than speaking up?

Q: Do I know the difference between fighting for my covenant with sacrificial love and being trapped by it?

Q: Am I honouring my covenant with my spouse in a way that dishonours the person God created me to be?

Q: If my loyalty is leading to harm, either to myself or others, what courageous step would God have me take?

Subscribe for a fresh weekly Blog Article to your inbox here!