I’m not sure I’ve ever used the word “Wow!” as many times as the day Carolyn and I visited the Tower Bridge in London.

Stepping onto the bridge, my neck craned upward toward the twin towers – wow.

Seeing the creative proposals submitted to the design competition back in the 1870s made me mutter—wow.

Standing on the glass floor, watching traffic glide far below and boats slip silently beneath us—wow.

Learning that this elegant icon was once criticized by a local newspaper as having “a subtle quality of ungainliness, a certain variegated ugliness… our ugliest public work, straddling across our Thames”, you guessed it—wow.

But what earned the biggest wow were the numbers.

Eight years in the making.

Over 2,000 labourers.

Thirteen million red-hot, hand-hammered rivets.

31,000,000 stone bricks!

Wow.

No single moment of heroics. No dramatic overnight success. Just relentless, coordinated, often unseen work, done one piece at a time.

WHY WE NEED BRIDGES

People build bridges because something valuable exists on the other side. And they are willing to do whatever it takes to eliminate the distance and span the gap.

That’s how every marriage begins.

• The first date.
• The first hand-hold.
• The first kiss.
• The ring.
• The wedding.
• The first night together.
• The first real breakthrough after a painful fight.

It was all bridge-building, one rivet, one brick at a time.

WE’VE LOST THE WOW

Let’s cut straight to the point. I’m writing this today for two reasons. First, someone needs to be reminded that a bridge is not built with five or six grand gestures. It’s built by placing 31 million individual bricks.

Second, some of us have walked off the job. We assumed bridge-building was a season; something intense at the beginning, optional later on. We grew weary. We stopped valuing what was on the other side. Somewhere along the way, we forgot what we were building…or why.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A GAP TO SPAN

Carolyn and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage this summer. And there hasn’t been a single day in those 40 years when there wasn’t a gap to span, or a distance to close.

So, we try to show up every day, trowel in hand, ready to lay another brick.

Where couples get into trouble is when one, or both, stop showing up. When critique replaces contribution. When rehearsing past failures becomes easier than laying present-day bricks.

Let me put this as clearly as I can: A strong marriage is built one brick at a time. And if you’re blessed with 60 or 70 years together, and your marriage is healthy, you’ll lay roughly 25 million bricks…with only a few million left to go.

The good news is: if there are some gaps in your marriage today, then it means you’re in the right place and it’s time to get back to work

ONE BRICK AT A TIME

Today, you have the opportunity to lay two or three bricks.

Tomorrow, maybe just one.

Some days, miraculously, you’ll manage four.

So what do these small, daily bricks actually look like?

🧱 Anticipate what your spouse needs before they ask. (A drink? A hug? A foot rub? A listening ear? Your undivided attention? Something else?)

🧱 Say “I’m sorry” without being defensive

🧱 Ask a curious question instead of making an assumption

🧱 Put your phone down and make eye contact

🧱 Choose a gentle, positive tone over negativity

🧱 Say ‘Thank You!’ at least once a day

🧱 Ask them out on a date you plan

🧱 Speak a simple, sincere compliment designed to lift your spouse up

🧱 Do one of their normal chores before they can get to it

🧱 Warm up their car in the winter, cleaning it in the summer

The list goes on. Afterall, there are 31 million bricks to lay.

None of these bricks are glamorous. Sometimes, they go unnoticed and many won’t earn applause. Yet, all of them matter.

Bridges aren’t built in moments of inspiration or super-charged romance. They’re built by people who keep showing up, brick after brick, because they still believe what’s on the other side is worth reaching.

So grab your trowel.

There’s a gap to span today.

PS. For those who haven’t laid a brick in years and the bridge feels wobbly: don’t panic. Some parts may need to be dismantled before they can be strengthened. That’s not failure, that’s normal maintenance. The strongest bridges in the world are the ones that have been inspected, repaired, and reinforced over time. Tear down what doesn’t belong. Enlist some help to repair the cracks. Then keep building.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Where is there currently a “gap” between you and your spouse, and what is one small brick you could lay today to begin spanning it? (Not fixing it. Not finishing it. Just showing up.)

Q: Which brick have you quietly stopped laying because it felt unnoticed, unappreciated, or unnecessary, and what might happen if you picked it back up?

Q: Where has critique or complaining replaced contribution in your relationship, and how could you shift from pointing out gaps to filling one? (Bonus points if it doesn’t involve a speech.)

Q: Looking ahead five or ten years, what kind of bridge do you want to be standing on together—and what ordinary, unglamorous brick does that future require you to lay today?

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