Canadian-born writer Saul Bellow once wrote, “Boredom is the conviction that you can’t change…the shriek of unused capacity.”

Far too many married couples fall into the rut of routine—believing the lie that they can’t change and won’t grow. Meanwhile, their untapped potential painfully shrieks in silence.

If you want to keep your marriage alive, you have to stage a daring escape from the comfort of living life on autopilot—and resist the hypnotizing lull of boredom.

Here are five wonderfully weird tricks that just might jolt your relationship back to life.

1. “Let’s Fight on Friday”

This trick is weirdly mature—and wildly effective. Most couples fight in the moment, throwing words and emotions like grenades, driven by desperation or reaction. But when you schedule a time and place to work through a conflict, you dignify disagreement and create space for construction rather than combustion.

Carolyn and I call these “Conference Dates.” It’s a public date night with a clear purpose: to calmly work through a tension point. There’s something about being in a restaurant or coffee shop that helps keep things respectful, focused, and forward-moving. Weird? Yes. Game-changing? Absolutely!

2. “We Made Up a Word for Our Mood”

This trick is both playful and emotionally intelligent. Creating private code words builds connection, trust, and communication. These words don’t have to make sense to anyone else—just the two of you. That’s the beauty of it.

Here are a few examples:

“The penguins are marching!” = I’m mentally overloaded. “He-he-who!” = Crisis-mode! Deep breathing is required. “I’m wearing Velcro.” = I’m extra sensitive today—things are sticking. *“I’m in T-Rex mode.” *= I’m irritable and might lash out unintentionally.

These phrases defuse conflict, express emotion without blame, and invite empathy. Make up your own and watch your emotional vocabulary (and intimacy) grow.

3. “We Wrote Instead of Yelled”

Arguments, by their very nature, are fast-paced, loud and often energized by hair-trigger emotions. Writing out your arguement reponse can be a weird but wonderful tactic. It helps eliminate destructive tones and gives both people space to think before speaking.

This strategy works especially well for hot-heads and tender-hearts alike. It slows the pace, softens the delivery, and allows honesty without escalation. However, the key to making this work is not simply writing your note and leaving it for your spouse, but sitting down together and reading it to them. Once the exchange has been made, take the arguement for another round by going away, pondering, praying, writing and returning to share more thoughts.

Sometimes, writing your response is the best way to keep the conversation going while maintaining lower volume and emotional intensity levels.

4. “I Told My Spouse I Had a Crush”

This one’s not for the faint of heart—but it can be transformational. Used with wisdom and humility, radical honesty can disarm secrecy and deepen trust.

Carolyn and I live by a mantra: “No secrets.” Sometimes that means confessing a crush. (We have a whole story about this in chapter 12: The Ponytail of Disclosure, in our soon-to-be-released book, The Relationship Rocket Formula!). Other times it means opening up about a private struggle—an unhealthy habit, a shameful thought, or a heavy emotion.

Whatever you’re hiding, remember this: “What is spoken can be broken.”

Shining light on dark places has a way of destroying their power. Is it uncomfortable? Often. But couples who normalize honesty—even the hard kind—are far better equipped to navigate life together.

5. “Our Friday Night Pancake Bath Club”

Create rituals so weird, no one else would understand. That’s the point. Shared strangeness is sacred glue. These bizarre habits can become the most intimate, identity-shaping elements of your relationship.

Think of it this way: Private weirdness = public strength.

One couple holds an Annual Ugly Sock Exchange Ceremony—they gift each other the most hideous socks they can find and each needs to wear them proudly all day. Why it works: it combines playful competition, tradition, and exclusive inside jokes—the perfect ingredients for bonding.

Find your own: Pancake Baths, Pirate Breakfasts, Full-Moon Fortune-Cookie Readings or Tuesday Night Opera Duets in the Shower. Doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s yours.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: What would change in our relationship if we scheduled our next disagreement instead of reacting in the moment?

Q: If you had to invent a secret code word for one of your dominant emotions, what would it be—and why?

Q: When emotions run high, are we more likely to shut down, explode, or miscommunicate?

Q: Is there something in your life you’ve kept hidden that’s quietly stealing intimacy or trust? Would you be willing to tell me about it?

Q: What’s the weirdest, most delightfully random ritual we could invent that would be just ours?

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