A couple of years ago, a buddy and I headed out for a day of deer hunting. We drove to a favorite spot, parked the truck, and began hiking deep into the woods along a muddy, deeply rutted road filled with massive frozen puddles.

FROZEN IN A RUT

About 30 minutes into our walk, we stumbled upon a 4x4 SUV, sunken to the bumpers in the mud. The deep ruts had swallowed it whole, water surrounded it, and it was hopelessly frozen into a massive block of ice. There it sat—stuck, immobile, forgotten. Sadly, that’s an all-too-accurate picture of many marriages today. Lost in the woods. Frozen in place. Trapped in a deep, hard-to-escape rut.

FIVE RUTS COUPLES GET STUCK IN

There are as many ruts that couples get themselves stuck in but here are five of the most common. Maybe you will see yourself in one of these.

1. You’re Operating on Autopilot! Daily routines have replaced intentional connection. There is no additional fuel or spark being added to the relationship. It’s maintaining but certainly not going anywhere. You’ve stopped pursuing one another. You’ve turned into pleasant roommates but the words wonder, romance, passion, curiosity and adventure are absent from your marriage. You’re flying on autopilot and you’ve forgotten where you are going.

2. You're Keeping Score! If this is your rut, you and your spouse have the ability to recall every word, hurt and disappointment as if it happened yesterday. In many cases, it was something that happened years or even decades ago but was never dealt with. Grudges, silent scorecards, and past wrongs are weighing the relationship down. Grace has been replaced by a need for justice and fairness.

3. You're Avoiding Hard Conversations! You fear conflict more than you fear stagnation. So instead of growing through friction, you settle for false peace. You have both silently signed a pact as peacekeepers rather than peacemakers. You are too afraid to risk stirring the pot or rocking the boat. What you don’t realize is that the greatest moments of connection, intimacy, and closeness lie on the other side of well-managed conflicts and hard conversations.

4. You’ve Stopped Having Fun Together! Laughter, play, and light-heartedness are gone. Your friendship has been replaced by function. One-week grinds into the next. One-month blurs into the following one without any playful adventures, ‘didn’t see that coming’ moments, romance, effort, passion or shared experience that have you experiencing new things together. A marriage without fun is on life-support and in serious need of a heart-transplant to bring back the wonder!

5. You're Not Prioritizing Your Marriage. Work, kids, hobbies, church—even ministry—have crowded out your connection. The marriage is in the leftovers pile. You feel taken for granted and so does your spouse. You have a few fond memories, long ago, when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other and wanted to spend every waking moment together. Those days are gone and you have never bothered to reclaim them. You have assumed this is just what happens. But it doesn’t have to!

THE DAY JESUS’ BRIDE GOT STUCK

The Bible often describes the church—the global body of believers—as the Bride of Christ. And in Revelation 2:4-5, Jesus confronts His bride with a sobering truth:

“But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.”

What a powerful call to action! A divine invitation to break free from the rut.

Jesus offers three clear steps:

1. Remember what you once had.
2. Repent—turn away from the habits and attitudes that caused you to drift.
3. Return to the intentional acts of love that once sparked passion and connection.

DO SOMETHING TODAY

Listen—those ruts can swallow your marriage whole. Don't assume it will magically get better if you recognize even one of them in your relationship today. It won’t. It takes intentionality. It takes effort. And yes, it might even take a little intensity.

So don’t wait. Take one small action today. Then another tomorrow. And don’t stop until you and your spouse are back on the road—moving forward together, full of purpose, passion, and possibility.

Your next adventure together is waiting.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: Do you and your spouse recognize any of these ruts threatening your marriage? Which one’s? Which do you need to escape first?

Q: Have you replaced friendship and intimacy with function? If so, what is one fun, light-hearted, slightly adventurous experience you could plan to do together this week?

Q: What is a ‘first love’ action, attitude or activity you used to do but don’t anymore? Can you identify something you need to get back to doing again in order to protect your marriage from a rut?

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