You’d think words are like Mount Rushmore—carved in stone, fixed forever. But they’re more like islands—shifting, tilting, sometimes flipping upside down over time.

Take cupboard, for instance. In the late 1300s, it simply meant a flat board for placing cups. Over centuries, the board moved up onto walls, got doors to hide the mess, and today we know this cabinet on the wall as a cupboard.

Or consider bully. In 1538, calling someone a bully meant they were your sweetheart. By the early 1900s, Teddy Roosevelt used bully to mean “superb.” Now, it describes someone who picks on the weak.

Words don’t stay still—they evolve.

That brings us to hack. In the 12th century, it meant to chop something roughly. Later, it described a bad cough or a second-rate handyman. Then came the digital age, where hackers were online intruders.

But in recent years, hack has flipped again—now it often means a clever, improvised solution. A shortcut. A smart fix.

SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE HACKS

Carolyn and I have a few favorite hacks we use all the time.

For example, we have a classic garage problem: in our tight space, it’s hard to tell how far to pull in. Thankfully, we found a simple fix. We drilled a screw into a tennis ball, tied it to a string, and hung it from the ceiling so it lines up with the center of the windshield. Now, when the tennis ball gently taps the glass, we know we’re parked perfectly—every time. Problem solved.

Here’s another one I use every few weeks. I’m heading out the door, only to realize my dress shoes look dull, dusty, and scuffed—but I don’t have time to polish them. The hack? A quick spray of cooking oil and a fast buff with a paper towel. They shine like new. Problem solved—unless your dog thinks your shoes now smell like dinner.

A 10-SECOND HACK FOR SOLVING CONFLICT

In most marriage conflicts, it feels like each spouse is standing on opposite sides of a wall. That wall does two things: it protects us from the other person’s words—and it highlights how differently we each see the situation.

Often, we’re either lobbing verbal grenades over the wall to weaken our partner’s position, or we’re ducking for cover from their incoming fire.

Carolyn and I have discovered not one, but two simple relationship hacks that can defuse tension and help us reconnect—even in the heat of conflict. They’re just short phrases, but when spoken with courage and vulnerability, they can turn everything around.

Phrase #1: “My contribution to the problem is ______.”

The truth is, both people always play a part in conflict. Even if it’s 20% your fault, own that part. Name it. Don’t defend it. Don’t explain it away. Offering it as a peace gesture shifts the focus from blame to responsibility, and that changes everything.

Phrase #2: “You’re right.”

This one might feel like a shock to say—or hear—mid-argument. But after hours (or days) of fighting, we usually come to realize that the other person had at least some truth in their perspective. Why wait until everything cools down to admit it? Get there faster. A simple “You’re right” can break the cycle and open the door to talking about the real issues in a less energized way.

THIS HACK WAS JESUS’ IDEA!

These phrases aren’t just clever communication tricks—they echo deep biblical wisdom. In Matthew 7:5, Jesus says, “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” In conflict, it’s tempting to fixate on what the other person did wrong.

But Jesus calls us to start with our own contribution. Owning our part humbles us, disarms defensiveness, and opens the way for reconciliation. And Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” These two small phrases, “My contribution is…” and “You’re right”, may be short, but they carry the weight of grace, humility, and love. They reflect the kind of character Christ calls us to cultivate in every relationship, especially marriage.

THESE WORK!

Carolyn and I have used these two phrases more times than we can count. They don’t magically solve the issue in an instant—but they do something powerful: they get us back on the same side of the wall, fighting the problem instead of each other.

Don’t just take our word for it—try them during your next conflict. You might be surprised at how quickly the atmosphere shifts.

FUEL & SPARK

Q: If these two conflict-solving hacks are so effective, why do couples resist using them?

Q: How might conflict in your marriage look different if you saw it as a shared problem to solve rather than a personal battle to win?

Q: Next time tension rises, which of these two phrases will you commit to trying—and what outcome do you hope to see?